WHO ARE YOU, REALLY?

Michael Tsarion

To find out what is truly individual in ourselves, profound reflection is needed; and suddenly we realize how uncommonly difficult the discovery of individuality is - Carl Jung

If someone were to ask you, ‘’what is it like to be you?’’ What would you say? If you asked a friend, ‘’what is it like to be you?’’ Could they offer an answer that made any sense?

Even more puzzlingly, what do we mean when we use the word ‘’like?’’ Surely, this implies a problem. Do I want to know what something is like, or do I want to know what it really is in itself? There is something strange here, something we rarely spend time trying to understand. Is it really possible for us to do the latter?

Of course, it is not possible for you to know what it's like to be anyone but yourself.

You will never know what it is like to be someone else. You can ponder what it is like but you're already off to a bad start, because the word "like" doesn't really mean what it appears to mean.

The word suggests metaphor. What's that about, one asks?

If all I am capable of knowing is what something or someone is "like," then obviously I do not have direct access to what it truly is in itself. Its actual identity remains strangely concealed. Why is this the case?

If I'm astute, I must ask this question and find out whether there's a good reason for things to be this way. Maybe if I was able to know what it's like to be someone else, completely and distinctly, I'd lose the person I take myself to be.

Perhaps I'm here not to know what it's like to be other people, but to be myself. Isn't there enough mystery in this?

I can certainly see what I have in common with this or that person, but I'm not so clear on what makes my identity unique. Many people go through life never inquiring into this difference. Most people are afraid of being different from others in the world. It's just one more source of anxiety.

A few people realize the preciousness of individuality and do their best to augment what it is that separates them from the Crowd. If this attitude is pursued to its extreme, one becomes something of an Outsider, which can lead to feelings of alienation. This in turn breeds its own kind of anxiety.

Sigmund Freud noted that there are basically two forms of anxiety, legitimate and neurotic. Paraphrasing Freud, we can say that there is legitimate suffering and neurotic misery. The latter is experienced when we are unable to get approval from other people. We are flooded with guilt over not fitting in and behaving like them. One suffers from a Guilt-Complex.

Alternatively, we can also feel shame for habitually conforming and doing as others do, say and think. Shame is not the same as guilt. Simply stated, guilt relates to our infractions against others, whereas shame is generated from within in response to violations committed against the Self.